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Yes this is ugly. That’s because we spent time making it work instead of impressing you.
MERCH SERVICES HELP (IF YOU MUST) LOGIN
Backyard Bandwidth
Backyard Bandwidth
janky UI • reliable backend • privacy first
Emails are never stored in plaintext. We don’t sell data. We don’t do "growth hacks." We just run infrastructure.
READ THIS (30 seconds). Yes. Read it:
  • 1) Stripe = automatic (use this unless you enjoy pain)
  • 2) Crypto/Cash = manual (modal tells you exactly what to do)
  • 3) VPN profile shows ON THIS PAGE after payment (don’t close the tab)
NO SALES CALLS • NO NONSENSE • NO "HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING IT OFF AND ON"

Click the thing. It works. Don’t overthink it.

VPN, VPS, S3, rack space. This UI is blunt because the backend matters more than your vibes. We’ll help when needed — but we’re here to keep packets moving, not babysit clicks.

BUY VPN (EASIEST) SEE ALL SERVICES
IMPORTANT (READ IT):
After you pay, DO NOT close this tab until you download your VPN profile. If you close it anyway, you’ll email support. First question: "Did you stay on the page?" If you say no, we’ll give you a brief "bruh" moment… then we’ll help you.
"I am not technical." Awesome. That means you’re qualified to FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS (and not write "it broke" later).
VPN purchase takes ~1 minute (unless you freestyle):
  1. Pick a location (there’s a dropdown. Click it. Keep up.)
  2. Type your email (use one that actually receives mail. I don’t care if it’s "real," I care if it works.)
  3. Click "PAY WITH STRIPE" (it’s in CAPITAL LETTERS. We did our part.)
  4. Pay the invoice (DO NOT CLOSE THIS TAB. You’re not done yet.)
  5. Wait here → profile appears → download it (closing the tab = emailing support, and yes, we’ll roast you a little.)
If something breaks:
Need help? Scroll to Contact. We respond. Include details or we close it. "It broke" is not a bug report — it’s a personality trait.

Services

janky but reliable (cope harder)
MOST POPULAR (FOR A REASON)

VPN / Proxy

Stripe invoice → auto-checks status → profile shows here. Yes, it’s that simple.

FAST
1
Pick a location
This is where your VPN lives. Don’t panic.
2
Type your email
We send your invoice here and use it to provision your profile. Use an email you can actually access. If you don’t, future-you is going to be annoyed. We don’t save your email on our side.
By paying you accept:
Terms • Fair Use (yes, lawyers exist)
3
Pay
Stripe is automatic. Crypto/Cash is manual. Choose accordingly.
DO NOT CLOSE THIS TAB AFTER PAYING
Your profile appears on this page after payment. Download it. If you ignore this, don’t act surprised later.
PRIVACY FIRST (ON PURPOSE)

Anova (LLM Chat)

A privacy-first LLM chat that doesn’t want your life story. Click it. Use it. Leave. (Or stay. Just don’t expect "we remember you.")

PRIVATE
How it works (because you’ll ask):
  • Registration: your email is used to register, then you get a generated account name. That account is associated with no PII.
  • History: stored on your client (browser/device) in localStorage.
  • Encryption: your local history is encrypted using AES-256. That data never lives on our servers — only on your device.
  • Sessions: never "remembered" server-side. No profile-building. No long-term memory.
  • Continuity: if your local encrypted history remains, you can continue where you left off. If not, it’s a fresh session every time.
OPEN ANOVA
What to expect (so you don’t email us confused):
If you clear your browser storage, switch devices, or use incognito, you’re basically telling Anova: "forget everything." And it will.
If you want "personalization" and server-side memory, go somewhere else. This is for people who prefer privacy over "cute features."
ESTIMATOR

S3 Storage

Slide the bar. Price updates. Don’t ask us to do math for you — that’s why the slider exists (and yes, we’re bad at math).

How much storage?
1–40 TB
1 TB
$5.99 / month
CONTACT US TO TURN THIS ON
FAQ (because someone will ask anyway)
Is this "real S3"?
It’s S3-compatible. Your normal S3 tools should work. If you wrote a cursed client that only runs during a full moon, that’s on you.
Can I go over 40TB?
Yes. Contact us. This page is for humans with sliders, not enterprise procurement rituals.
Do you support public buckets?
If you insist. We’ll ask why you’re doing that, judge you briefly, then help you anyway.
CALCULATOR

VPS (Estimator)

Presets for sane people. Sliders for the "trust me bro" engineers.

Pick a preset (recommended)
Or customize it
Monthly
$2.99
Crypto Monthly
$3.10
Savings vs leading solutions: $??? (math is hard, we know)
CONTACT US TO ORDER VPS

IPv6-only included by default for some plans. Add IPv4 for +$4.99/mo.

COLOCATION

Rack Hosting

$150/U baseline. Add-ons optional. If "rack unit" sounds mysterious, go read for 60 seconds and come back.

How many U?
U Space: 1
$150 per U
Add-ons
Estimated Monthly Total
$150
CONTACT US TO ACTIVATE RACK SPACE
HELP / CONTACT

Contact Us

Paste the exact error. Don’t send "it broke." We need data, not feelings.

Service
If this form fails, email: penetrumcorp@gmail.com
Fastest way to get help (AKA: don’t waste time)
Send ONE message with these basics:
  • Service: VPN / VPS / S3 / Rack
  • What happened: "paid invoice but stuck on unpaid", "can’t login", "rate limited", etc.
  • When: approximate time + your timezone
  • Error text: paste the exact message (screenshots help too)
  • Your username (if you have one)
We do respond.
If your message has details, we fix it fast. If it doesn’t, we play 20 Questions and everyone loses.
Heads up: we don’t log your VPN/VPS activity. But if you’re brute-forcing our login/API/endpoints, your account gets nuked. Don’t do that.